In 2015 when we had our first real democratic elections, after a military regime that lasted for nearly 60 years, we were all a little bit nervous about how the military would react to a political defeat. The coup seemed a real possibility back then.
5 years later the mood was totally different. Sure, the government was underwhelming (but nobody seemed to notice). Sure, we had a humanitarian crisis in Rakhine State, with 700.000 Rohyngia people fleeing the country. Sure, Covid…
But a coup? A coup was not in our minds. Sure someone rumoured about it, but hey, they didn’t do it in 2015, right?
Before the coup
USDP (Union Solidarity and Development Party, the political party tied to the burmese army Tatmadaw) did not only lose the elections. They got crushed real bad. Election frauds claiming started but also got totally ignored by the UEC (union election commission) . The Tatmadaw threatened a coup, but then retreated those threats right before the coup. Meanwhile tanks filled Yangon streets. Soldiers were called back towards the cities.
1st February: all the political power is concentrated in Naypyitaw. It’s pretty much an NLD orgy, with a 25ish% of green people. The Parliament is set to start its first session on that very same day. The coup ends, it’s bloodless, the country is still sleeping.
State counsellor Daw Aung San Suu Kyi and president U Win Myint, around 400 members of the parliament, dozens between monks and activists get arrested. General Min Aung Hlaing becomes the leader of the country. A one year state of emergency is announced. Myanmar’s history changes its course. All in one night. That was quick. Min Aung Hlaine always is.
2 February: first signs of protests. Pots banging to scare the evils away and revolutionary songs. Today we didn’t have dinner because pots are gone. It will become a daily recurrence at 8 pm. The State administration council (SAC) is formed. It should lead the country until next elections. In one year? Sure? Can we trust you guys?
3 february: hospital staff on strike in sign of protest. It’s the birth of the Civil Disobedience movement (CDM). Tatmadaw starts blocking Facebook. But Tatmadaw still posts on Facebook a lot, so I don’t get it. Youngsters adopt VPN to bypass the censorship. Soldiers finally adopt VPNs for non porn-related things. If you remove this block, we all would still do the same things and save a bunch of money! Easy. (well, soldiers would still have to use VPNs to enjoy themselves, but that’s what you get when you spend the whole day holding your guns)
4 February: first street protests in Mandalay, led by students. Some get arrested. Much respect for the dude below, he’s really pissed off.
5 february: Tatmadaw shuts internet down. The Committee Representing Pyidaungsu Hluttaw (CRPH) is formed, it represents the democratically elected government. Teachers and public sector workers join CDM.
Now if you are not CDM, you are no longer cool. When I get home from work now my wife screams at me. She says that if I go to work again, I should sleep on my own. I call my boss and I tell him my wife doesn’t want me to work. Boss says it’s fine, he will pay me double if I stay home. I am officially confused.
6 february: tens of thousands on the streets to protest against the coup. Shout out to Ei Thinzar Maung there in the front row. Women lead the way. Myanmar women always do. Myanmar men always lazy in the back instead. Come on guys.
7 february: growing protests. Internet gets restored. Soldiers can relieve themselves. But major social media still blocked. Everybody on FB refreshing their pages. Soldiers will come shortly after.
8 february: General Min Aung Hlaing on national TV. He says the coup is legitimate, election fraud claims, promises to solve the country’s problems, invites foreign investments to improve the economy, blah, blah. Sounds like a politician, only a bit shorter. Speaks about disciplined democracy. Sounds like a threat, but I’m sure it wasn’t. He didn’t really mean democracy.
Pretty sure when he was a child nobody believed him. That was 5 cm ago.
Curfew in major cities, gatherings of 5+ people are banned. Just to be sure. Gatherings of up to 1 person are still allowed, but only if silent.
9 february: police violence. In Naypyitaw, 19 years old Myat Thet Thet Khaing hit in the head by a live bullet.
10 february: growing protests. Still crying.
11 february: US sanctions new generals. General Min Aung Hlaing asks CDM workers to come back to work. Did he ask politely? We will come back to work when you will end where you belong, in jail!
12 february: hundreds of thousands on the streets. It’s more than 5 people. Policemen are still out there counting. Tatmadaw releases 23.000 inmates, creating panic in the population. Tatmadaw then says it’s there at night to protect us against those inmates. What the heck.
13 february: population starts to organise local night patrols. We need to sleep, really. Amendment of Law protecting the privacy and security of citizens. Citizens can get searched and arrested for any amount of time with no warrant. But do they let you sleep in jail? Asking for a friend.
14 february: CDM grows. Internet shuts down daily from 1 am to 9 am. MAL says it’s to let us sleep. Thanks. But if you could stop your green guys from arresting us at night we would appreciate. Thanks.
15 february: soldiers everywhere. 77 LID spotted in Yangon (previously in Rakhine State during 2017 Rohingya crisis and in the 20017 saffron revolution). These are bad tough guys. These guys can eat hot Shan noodles with their hands. And they don’t wash them after. These guys brush their teeth with toilet brushes. 77 is their average IQ by the way.
Shots in Mandalay during protests
16 february: China denies being behind the coup. (maybe they are before it?). Jamaica sends some reggae snipers and dogs.
A lot of talk about China. Chinese flights. Seafood. Sauce. Chinese SMSs. Chinese dudes counting 1 2 3 at night.
BREAKING: it has been revealed that years ago Mratt Kyaw Thu had a chinese girlfriend. She left him. That is why he’s obsessed with China.
17 february: hundreds of thousands protestors on the streets. Yangon traffic is crazy, all cars break down at the same time. So strange.
Crazy crowds in most cities. One crucial question about CDM. How do you go pee guys?? By the way I used to go pee in the shopping center down there. Not sure it’s open though.
18 february: Malaysia announces the repatriation of 1200 Myanmar nationals, including asylum seekers. What a bad timing. They waited for tickets to get cheaper? Cars work now, but very slow. My taxi driver charges me 1 lakh to get to the market.
19 february: Naypyitaw – Myat Thet Thet Khaing dies. We will never forget. Nor forgive.
20 february: Tatmadaw shoots in Mandalay. Two comrades die. Both good people with dreams. I cry.
21 february: Facebook blocks Tatmadaw. Three weeks after the Tatmadaw blocked Facebook. It’s like Grandma outrunning Ronaldo. Tatmadaw threatens protesters on TV. They seem to have issues with emotional teenagers. They have never been to a BTS concert.
22 february: 5×2 day (22/02/2021). Equals 10, but nobody says it. General strike. Millions on the streets, tryin to solve the calculus. Today feels so great.
Dr. Sasa nominated by CRPH as the “Special Envoy of Committee Representing Pyidaungsu Hluttaw (CRPH) to the United Nations”. Good luck with your business card Doc! (Rumors say in the picture below he’s not wearing a scarf, that’s his business card)
23 february: non CDM gov workers get vaccinated against covid. Good for you, but this is not cool at all
24 february: Tatmadaw attacks KIA out of boredom. Did they really get bored during these weeks?? We should keep them busy
25 february: in Yangon pro military guys attack anti military guys. Military guys don’t stop the pro military guys. The only country where you never want to call the police.
26 february: Tatmadaw cancels the november 2020 results. Just to make it clear they didn’t like the outcome. We got it guys. Also this day will become national Palatha day.
U Kyaw Moe Tun at the UN. Makes 50 million people cry. Of hope. Not like the short green guy, who makes us cry of pain. And a lot of ants in Bagan.
27 february: U Kyaw Moe Tun gets fired. He’s looking for a job. Anyone interested? Seems like a good guy. Not like the ones below.
28 february: It’s Milk tea alliance day also known as Diabetes day.
18 fallen comrades in Myeik, Yangon, Bago, Mandalay. 500 arrested on top of the 800 in previous weeks. Now we understood why they released the 23.000.
29-30-31 February: very quiet days.
1 march: Daw Aung San Suu Kyi gets accused of stealing chili sauce at YKKO. CRPH says Tatmadaw are terrorists. Tatmadaw says CRPH are traitors of the country. I think CRPH won at the insult war.
2 march: One death in Kalay. A lot of violence.
3 march: 38 comrades fall in Mandalay, Monywa, Magway, Myingyan and Myaw Okkalapa (North Okkalapa). People in Mumbai are getting nervous.
Jokes aside this is the worst day so far, and no words can describe our pain. We should win for all our fallen mates.
4 march: daily condemnations round by foreign countries. Somebody gotta find synonyms of strong and deep, because these ambassadors need new adjectives to put before “concern”. And they have to find them, now. Quick! We got it guys, don’t worry.
5 march: 3 deaths.
CRPH says it wants to abolish the 2008 constitution. And wants a federal democracy. OMG. It only took a coup and putting DASSK in prison to finally get this.
KNU hits the “like” button, hopefully this becomes viral. Let’s go!
6 march: after KNU, RCSS (Restoration Council of Shan State) also wants to meet Dr. Sasa. I think Dr. Sasa would do great on Tinder. Is he married? He also said he was with DASSK the night of the coup…#myanmaraffairgate
Also this day will be remembered as the day Tatmadaw discovered the wheel. But still can’t use it. We can learn how it works in Insein prison.
7 march: U Khin Maung Latt dies after a night of tortures.
And Tatmadaw shoots in my beloved Bagan. I wish I were there now.
Myanmar Tatmadaw starts celebrating New Year’s day. The people join. Finally some unity!